10 things i love about you
Hi <3
Wednesday evening was the final meeting of one of my writing groups that I’m running right now. And let me tell you, these groups do something. It’s like they unlock this creative magic and then something spills out into the rest of the world, and to the rest of the ether.
There is something so unifying about strangers coming together and sharing pieces of art and of their personal stories.
For our last meeting, I wanted the girls to write 10 things that they loved about themselves. I don’t know why this exercise might have felt seemingly harder than the others. But I wonder if it’s because - as women, or even living in this “patriarchal” society - I don’t really think celebrating ourselves is something that society wants us to do.
I think joy is something that is often overlooked, or seen as this sort of “immature” trait to have. I think that people’s capacities to celebrate you - is met with as much capacity as they have to celebrate themselves.
One of my favourite quotes (I quote this book often - Marlowe’s Happy Hour) is -
“After all, the same reason they’re taken with you for in the beginning is the same reason they will end up leaving you for in the end.”
This quote served as the blueprint of my list. I thought of “failed” relationships, reasons or excuses that men would often give me as to why they would behave in whichever way.
And all of it inspired me. Whatever they rejected about me, or felt threatened by - I learned to love even more. It’s what I love the most, actually. Because all of it is my own essence.
And all of it is truly me.
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I love my desire, longing, and ability to run to Rome, or to Europe in general - when things feel hard. When I feel lost, or when I need inspiration. “Rome will always be a lantern for you.” Some people might call that escapism, but I call it using my autonomy. I call it living.
I love my Venus in Taurus. I need to buy a new face mask, lip gloss, or little something to enhance my beauty routine weekly. But for me - it’s all about creating beauty in your inner and outer world. There shouldn’t be any shame in wanting to feel radiant.
I actually love to shop. I do. I make it a community experience. I trust the girls who work at the skincare store, the guy who runs the other skincare store, and the girl who manages one of my favourite boutiques in the city - more than my friends and members of my own family. They know all of my secrets, anyway.
My ex boyfriend used to call me “flip flop”. This was because I could change my mind easily - and he would get annoyed by it and think it was a bad thing. Like I was being a nuisance. But I think he was just insecure because being able to see the pros/cons of two different situations is actually a sign of emotional intelligence.
I love how I love to cry. And I love how I need to cry. I love how one of my favourite weekends in my life, ever, was when I read “Grief is For People” and ate pasta with sausage and rappini and sobbed for a good 48 hours.
I love how magical this world is. I love the way little white dresses fit on my body. I love soft silk and light fabrics. I love to feel breezy and I love to move with this world.
I love how I always want to be alone. A dark, corner spot at the bar, reading old newsletters. Drinking something sparkling or sipping on a martini. I get to dive back into those moments, and if I had to share them with someone else - I think that that alone time would lose its magic.
I love feeling whimsy and ethereal. I love how I tune out when someone tries to talk to me about administrative tasks. “Nothing is actually real” I want to tell them. But I’ll keep that secret to myself.
Don’t tell any of my close friends this - but I also love how nobody ever asked me to be in their wedding party because they knew. They knew I was a flight risk. I love being understood.
And I love this. Moments where I can just be honest and unfiltered. Ariana’s Supernatural playing in the background. A little paint set and a fresh bouquet of tulips beside me. New rosy pink sheets to slide into. Being happy, being free, and content. And I’m not going to apologize for it.