The sun is shining in through the curtains of my friend’s Roman apartment. It’s golden hour on a Friday, which I think is now my new favourite time to write. It feels natural in a way that’s like - well, this is how it should always be, but yet also unnatural in a way that feels surreal.
In a shock to no one, I had to have bread and tomatoes, drizzled with olive oil and salt for dinner. And I had a moment where I realized I could probably just eat bread and tomatoes for the rest of my life and be very, very happy.
I made a 2022 vision board at the beginning of the year. I’m never someone who actively writes out goals or plans, mainly because I change my mind about things every 5 minutes, and also because (and I swear Oprah said this first) - there’s no point to making goals because life is constantly changing, and the universe can really throw things at us at any time.
I think it’s great to know who we are and what we love and where we want to end up, but I always feel like timelines can really backfire.
Anyways, there was a quote that I saw on IG that I ended up screenshotting for my board this year. It was “learn how to be happy with less.” And I will admit, I was annoyed when I first saw it because I didn’t want to be lectured on how “stuff” doesn’t make us happy. But, after me and my Aries moon calmed down a bit, I realized that being happy with less didn’t mean you had to get rid of everything you own and live on a pillow, but instead, it could mean re-evaluating what really makes you happy.
I have to tell you, I love my life in Italy because all I do is walk, write, and eat tomatoes. I literally had one of the best days of my life the other day - and all I did was walk for 3 hours and eat potato pizza. And also buy jeans from Zara that I need to return. But genuinely, it felt like someone had just handed me $10k and a Missoni dress (which tbh - I will still gladly take).
But if you had asked me ten years ago, what do you think success or happiness will look like for you in the future? And I would have said: marriage, a pension, RRSPs, savings, a home before 30, etc. Ways our society measures success by. And it was the way I was also raised to measure not only success, but also happiness with.
I never really knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I toyed between the idea of being a teacher (I come from a family of teachers), working for the government, maybe going to law school - all career options that I only thought I had. And safe ones at best.
But life really is a funny thing. The more we think we can control it - the unhappier we are. Or at least, the unhappier I am. I am sporadic and chaotic, I love changing my mind, I love booking one ways (mainly/mostly to Italy), I love not knowing exactly what the next 6 months will look like - but knowing that they will be beautiful because we have the choice to make it ours (and also because I believe in the power of mood boards and manifestation).
It’s funny because I also keep seeing signs and synchronicities about dualities. How you can feel X but also feel Y, or be X; and also be Y and Z.
You can want love and not want marriage, you can be creative AND make a living, and you can actively choose chaos everyday and still be successful.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself - not wanting to be what our parents envisioned for us, or follow what our friends are doing, or how society taught us to be - doesn’t mean that you’re a mess or a failure, or a disappointment, or that you’re lost, it just means that you have a self awareness that there is something bigger and better out there for you.
Anyways, can we even get excited if we know what’s next? Life’s boring when it’s predictable.
Ps. I also think I might have / maybe met someone. TBD. But more on that next week. Or the week after. Who knows.
I love you!
Emily