leftover love notes from my notes app

silly things that i've learned, and silly things that i've always wanted to say

• my psychic pulled the commitment card before my reading a few weeks ago. “that’s perfect! i’m committed to saving and sticking to my budget!” i tell her. “that’s great, emily. but i don’t think this message is about your finances.” i knew what the real message behind this card was. but it didn’t scare me. it comforted me. i used to think commitment = boredom. commitment = entrapment. but now, i’m reframing the way i look at commitment. commitment = new content. commitment = a new adventure. commitment = someone, or something to always fall back into. someone who won’t get sick of me.

• when you’re tired, it’s okay to close your eyes. even if it’s 3 pm. 4 pm. 6 pm. 7 pm. any of the pm’s, really. it’s winter. let’s hibernate.

• e-readers are the new it accessory. and they’re so chic when they sit beside your cappuccino. a breakfast aesthetic.

• home right now: a friend’s white sofa. soft rain on the windows. white curtains. take-out tacos. and a good book about the friendship between two young girls in naples. 

• speaking of: naples men. the reputation is true. and this is an important thing to remember. they are…the best in bed. they really are. i said what i said. 

• when a man tells you he doesn’t trust you, take it as a compliment.

• when a man asks “can you stop studying me?” and shifts back and forth in his seat during a dinner conversation. you’ve won, my friend. you’ve won. “i just like asking questions. that’s all.” it’s not your fault that people don’t find themselves interesting.

• good kissers will never say they are good kissers. in fact, they will rarely say anything at all.

• but, you can find out a lot about a person and their intentions by the way they kiss you, and when they decide to do so.

• peter pan = kissed me within the first 7 minutes of him being inside my apartment. i timed it. PN = it was 3 hours later. when peter pan left, he’d get an awkward side hug. when PN left, he’d kiss me and tell me to have a good day. the man at the front? i don’t remember lol. but i liked when he kissed me in front of everyone the most.

• you know what? i like making out in front of crowded restaurants. it’s kind of cute.

• and i really like making out in general.

• i’ve never written this story out before. it’s lived on close friends and nowhere else. last year, PN was in charge of designing the new menu at the bar. and i’m flipping through this menu. and of course, everything is meaningful and deep and has its story. things named after his hometown, his passions, etc. and you know when you just get an inkling? like. your spidey senses are going off?

• so i keep turning the pages. and then i see it. “the foreigner.” i feel my heart sink into my feet. ingredients? pineapple juice. coffee infused whiskey. shape of the glass? a custom made bowl in the shape of a female body part. drink description? silky. gentle. soft-spoken.

• i’m not allowing anyone to listen to tiktok dating coaches anymore. everyone takes everything too seriously. also, why is everyone always mad on that app?

• the best friends are the ones where you feel drunk completely sober with. and the red flag friends are the ones where you need to be drunk in order to feel completely sober with.

• you’re going to make life beautiful. life already is beautiful, with or without them.

• my ideal man (back to men lol): tattoos are a good conversation starter. he loves what he does, but not to the point where he makes it his persona. he’s kind, he asks questions, he remembers the little things that only your best friend notices. like how your favourite lavazza is crema e gusto, and how pizza con potate can be eaten for breakfast without judgement, and how you wait to the last minute to pay your credit card bill because you believe a secret windfall of cash will come before the day the payment is due. 

• glowing is our number one priority: we’re back to prioritizing 3 litres of water and a different face mask per day.

• some people might say you give it up too easily. to which i say: enjoy the glowing skin and mood boost from giving it up too easily.

• i think remembering someone is the same as loving them. so, if you need to listen to a drop in the ocean and read old letters and cry. let yourself.

• “tears are signs that your heart is healing” - my dad

• i’ve realized that all the best things are maroon - that gucci mini, your anthem of last summer, and, of course, wine.  

• i don’t think me and PN are allowed to co-exist in the same city. i really don’t.

• i think rose is handling things up there.

• but what i would give to have things be different.