love notes

from a monday night

1. It’s a blessing to not take anything to heart. I always say I am the most type-Z-type-of-person. I’ve skipped over every other letter in the alphabet. Unless it’s about curating an aesthetic or a vibe. But anything else - it goes in the bin of “I do not care”.

2. I have four candles going right now. And a Youtube video playing on my projector of the sea and animated mermaids. I think I have mastered how to escape reality.

3. I love my weekly $5 tulip runs. They are deep purple this week.

4. I will hook up with the bartender at the bar around the corner from me. Or at least, I will just entertain the idea.

5. He told me that him and his ex-girlfriend still see each other, but also see other people.

6. I ask him how they’re both okay with that. He shrugged and said, “It’s all about healthy communication.”

7. I want to tell him that OFM probably needs to learn a thing or two or ten from him.

8. I think if OFM had it his way, I’d be Rapunzel in his castle.

9. It’s hard to want to be free and want to be loved.

10. We want everything and we want nothing.

11. I do what I love every day. And that is: making a coffee, doing my skincare routine, lighting candles, writing to you, chatting with friends, chatting with neighbours. That to me, defines love and a fulfilling and successful life.

12. I went on a date last week. The guy asked me what I did for my workouts. I told him I don’t go to any workout classes, that I just walk. He responded - “So just walking around and loving life.” He didn’t say it in a condescending tone. Rather, in a tone that inspired him. At least, I think it inspired him.

13. I never thought that I would not miss living in Rome, at least - not all that much.

14. I do, however, miss the Summer of 2023. I miss my blonde highlights and tan and when friends came to visit and my blood was purely white wine and spritzes and I was constantly deluded from heat stroke.

15. But I love my wool socks and the smell of that vanilla candle. I love the way I have to put the dishes away every night. I love the way I take hot showers and use body oils and how my hair smells like palo santo and how I get to curl up with a blanket and three maroon pillows on my couch.

16. I love how I learned that I really meant something to him. To both of them. I mean, it’s something I’ve always known. But sometimes, you want to view yourself from the eyes of someone who never stopped loving you.

17. I wonder what they’d write about me. I wonder what he’d write about me.

    

    18. I’m not really sure if we’ll ever stop loving each other. But I think that’s the point of it - isn’t it?

    19. What do you love the most? Who do you love the most? Do they know that? Did you tell them?

    20. “You just have to make yourself ready. Everything else will come by itself.”