september is for closure

a list of life lessons from a roman adventure, and the end of our Taylor Swift "Red" era.

My friends,

It’s been a while, or at least I feel like it’s been a while. I had a letter planned for last Sunday, then I just wasn’t in that vibe. So we kept pushing and procrastinating until I decided a week was far too long to go without talking to you. 

It’s a Saturday evening in Roma, we have our roses and Poetic Mind candle (god bless Zara home) lit beside us. There’s a pot of chamomile tea on the stove, and I just bought the cutest cashmere blend set (we are saving money!) to lounge and write in. The aesthetics of this scene are everything, and after weeks spent going out and entertaining friends and family who were visiting, there is nowhere else I’d rather be than in the comforts of my living room sofa. 

Last weekend, my dad had asked me what I’ve learned the most from this era of my life that has been living in Rome. I told him I couldn’t answer that, because, naturally, as a Gemini, I had to write it down first. And over this entire week, I’ve been re-working and re-writing and re-editing this list that surprisingly didn’t take that long to make. 

On my Saturday stroll today, I had realized I had spent so long figuring out what wasn’t working and why. And maybe we can rephrase “what wasn’t working” to - “what wasn’t feeling aligned.” Are we sick of that word yet? Maybe, but I’ll keep using it until we have a better replacement. 

Isn’t it interesting how we can spend weeks and months in certain situations, talking to the universe and everyone we know (including ourselves) asking or justifying if something is the right fit for us? And then finally, once we’ve made a decision to leave the situation or end the relationship - the lessons slowly start to reveal themselves. 

And, after some time, you can look back and say, “OH. That’s what it was for.”

I’m going to tell you one of my biggest fears in life. It’s having things that don't mean anything. 

I am so desperate to find the meaning in every situation in life. And maybe this is a shadow effect of watching someone die - but I am honestly terrified of wasting time and losing the meaning of something. And what really makes me sad is thinking that certain people will just end up passing through our lives. 

And, admittedly, I tend to hold on to people a lot longer than I should because I refuse have something mean nothing. So, I’ll keep them in my orbit until one day I’ll see them as a beautiful ending that I do not want to revisit.

But before I get into my list of Roman lessons, I want to tell you about A Moment I had a few weeks ago.

Do you remember when I sent my newsletter to one of the objects of my newsletters? And can we take a moment to lol at that sentence because I feel like I’m giving off melodramatic Renaissance vibes. 

Anyways, after the encounter of our run-in and his appreciation and admiration of the letter (because everyone wants to be somebody’s muse!!) - I will also admit that I was overwhelmed and - not recommended, but needed a drunk cigarette and a call to my best friend. 

So, there I am in my white dress, leaned up against a brick wall, momentarily forgetting that I am wearing all white, surrounded by tables full of Italians who are engrossed in Thursday evening conversations over expensive martinis. 

“But I’m so happy it ended now, because anything more would have cheapened those memories” I tell her as I fight back a few dainty tears, and avoid eye contact with the bouncers who are probably judging me for my inability to use a lighter.

Anyways, don’t ask me how that sentence came out of my mouth, and also after a few dirty martinis - but it’s a line that I’ve been reflecting on, and feel like it can translate into so many more situations than just the end of an almost, almost love. 

The Things We’ve Learned 

(in no particular order, to be edited and added to at any point). 

1. Just knowing “si, si, grazie” will get you a lot further than you might think. I think being gracious and kind are the two best things you can take with you anywhere in the world.

2. Don’t be afraid of yourself. Don’t be afraid of sitting alone, of eating alone, of shopping alone, of being alone. When you stop being afraid, that’s when the best people and situations come to you.

3. And on the note of not being afraid, don’t be afraid to leave people behind. I know this contradicts my statement on being sad when people are meant to just pass through our lives. But think about the friends you made when you were 12, 13, 14. Are you still friends with the majority of them now? No, because you were a different person back then. Moving across the world will change you, and it changes the amount of time you have to spend nurturing your friendships back home. When people start to fade away, I like to remind myself that it’s a sign of growth.

4. Dresses are acceptable for every single occasion. Not just weddings. In fact, floor length silk dresses and the strapless gold dress you bought to be a wedding guest are encouraged to be worn at a weekday catch up dinner with friends. We love. How chic.

5. There are many pros to not having your license and not teaching yourself how to navigate the subway system. 26,000 steps/day, a glow, and toned legs are the pros.

6. You can leave a lot of things behind, but there are some things that will never stop you from feeling better (in my case: candles, bread and tomatoes, and Zara Home).

7. We have to fall in love. Once, twice, three times. And let people fall in love with you. Once, twice, seven times. 

8. We have to go to Florence for the weekend just to make out with a semi-stranger in front of his bar. It’s cheesy and it’s cliché, but it has to be done.

9. Find a dedicated crying piazza. And then find your favourite mood-boosting piazza. Mine coincidentally happens to be in between Hugo Boss and Louis Vuitton. I will go there for a spritz and spaghetti pomodoro to people watch, and for when I need to feel like myself again. It always gives me Holt’s Cafe vibes, and I always like to pretend my mom is beside me rolling her eyes at my self-induced boy drama.

10. I’ve figured out the best combination of hair products to fight the Italian humidity. Equal parts Kérastase thermal protector and their hair oil elixir. They are investments and will last you forever.

11. Things that never fail to make you feel less lonely: discovering new music, buying a new book, and aimlessly wandering in a new area. Art will always have our back, I’m convinced.

12. The definition of home looks different to everyone. For me, it is about being understood. I hope your heart will always lead you to the people and places that make you feel like home.

We can do everything on our own. We really can. But are we meant to? That’s what I’m unsure of.

But - here’s to more adventures to teach us. To more muses and lovers (but hopefully not too many more because I am getting tired of the content), to finding home in Zara’s all over the world, to our little pink espresso cups, to our art, to not having our license but having great legs because of it, to Taylor Swift, to love, to dirty martinis, and to you.

Thank you for being part of my life adventures. I couldn’t do it without you.

I love you and the little infinity we’ve created.

Emily