the art of the DM
i’m hungover, insta is my favourite dating app, + soft-launching your new (or old) relationship.
Hi my friends ♥️
So, I’m really happy to be sitting down and writing this newsletter. It’s been a week, and I was scared that I couldn’t sit and write my letter to you without other things weighing on my mind. I genuinely feel like we’re all friends, and this newsletter has honestly been something I love and look forward to creating. And I am so, so, so, thankful for everyone that takes the time to email me back, or share on IG.
I went through something this week, and I was not myself at all. And to be honest, I don’t think I will ever be the same again. But, I’m also thankful because sometimes life gives you no choice but to change. I think part of me was also scared to start writing again because I had no idea what would come out. One day, I’ll find the strength to turn what happened into creativity, but sometimes, we have to let ourselves just be.
So, I’m writing this letter to you from my sister’s couch, with a very mild hangover. I did not end up having my usual lymphatic drainage Friday night - instead, my weekly glow appointment with myself turned into espresso martinis with a friend and passing out to RHOC and Belly Busters Subs.
I have many things I love. I love getting my eyebrows done, I love Forno Cultura sandwiches on a Saturday morning, I love prosciutto and pizza and my cats and messy ponytails and talking too much and the potential overshare about my life. I love booking one ways, and I love finding myself in the middle of a good little drama.
But one of my main loves (and potentially toxic traits) is how much I love using IG to figure out everyone’s relationship status, broadcasting my own relationship status, seeing who is soft launching their relationship this week, etc. etc.
Was life simpler in the 1800’s when you had to leave your house to run into your ex and prove that you’re doing a billion times better than them? Absolutely. But, alas, we have to adapt to the times where it only takes one photo to prove that you’ve moved on and are blissfully thriving and in love with life.
I believe there is a science and a complete method to the madness that is branding yourself as single on IG, and attracting DMs from exes and potentials.
And I also believe that there are things in life that I am way more qualified in giving advice on (curating an IG feed, writing, how to boost your brand’s social media presence, where to go for the best panini in Toronto, etc. etc). So this is my disclaimer: I am NOT giving out any relationship advice. These are simply my observations from being a single female in the year of 2022.
The IG Story
The easiest way (in my opinion) to get anyone’s attention. But, as we know, some stories are just natural convo starters and some are just, not.
Stories That Just Don’t Work:
(again, IMO - but please let me know if they’ve worked for you)
Songs (not inviting / also I’m embarassed of my own taste in music / also I don’t really care about what other people are listening to / also I have a personal vendetta against Spotify wrapped)
Anything outdoors-y (and by this I mean: strava. which I almost spelled as stevia.)
Your cats (this makes me sad because I personally love seeing cat photos, but I think Goose and Toulouse are intimidating to most)
Meal preps (this is my own personal opinion - food in tupperware makes me feel so sad)
Aesthetic reposts (good for a mini mood board, not good for convo starters)
Poetry about another guy (lolololol)
Stories That Do Work:
Ok, truly, it also makes me sad that my list of things that don’t work was longer than my list of things that do, but, I think we have ultimately learned that simple is always better.
Food: Not in restaurant, preferably something you bought and then put on a plate so it looks homemade 🙄. Always write what it is - it saves the time of them guessing and you getting a generic dm of “looks so good.”
You’ll invite in: Wow - did you make this? Your response: Haha no i got it at XYZ but i’m honoured you think i’m that talented.
Selfies: I am personally team mirror pics for the outfit aesthetic, & the ability to reuse for your own grid, but anyways - we aim to post anywhere from Thurs-Sat night with the following captions: “cheers to no one!!” OR “date night outfit minus the date” (do you see why we are team mirror pics?)
You’ll invite in: What about me?/ That outfit shouldn’t go to waste / blah blah blah, etc, etc. And your response? Totally up to you, because you now have additional plans.
The Feed Post
Ok, you’re newly single. The problem is, you and your ex are on great terms and you feel bad for removing pictures of them off your feed. So, you ask yourself the most life-altering question - but how will everyone know that I’m single?
We start small. We go to old faithful - a solo mirror pic, because we go for both the outfit aesthetic and the attention. Then we move into a carousel (4 minimum - you, pizza, you and your friends, chic scenery pic, etc.) And we just keep the pattern going until your couple photos have moved down to at least the third or fourth row. For captions, I’ve kind of been obsessed with Chiara Ferragni’s “Best of these days” with your emojis of choice.
Your IG feed is now a reflection of you living your best single life. And of course, we still cry over them and pray to god that they haven’t moved on, we’re only human, we’re not monsters. But no one needs to know that yet.
The Relationship Soft Launch
My new favourite social media trend. I don’t even know if this is considered a trend, but to those of you in healthy relationships and are unaware of this phenomenon - soft launches are when you are ready for the world of social media to know that you do not need people sliding into your dm’s anymore. In fact, it serves as a warning that you will most likely be left on read. And, most importantly, there is a chance your ex will stumble upon this story and now you officially are their Biggest Regret.
It starts with the casual hand pic. He’s leaning over to grab a slice of your pizza, you aim your camera perfectly so you get the perfect shot of his tattooed hand reaching over the layout of the food.
His probable response: “My hand ruined the pic.”
It absolutely did NOT ruin the pic. But, we will tell Alessandro and his tattooed hand (in my head I’m dating an Italian soccer player) - that it’s just for memories anyways.
And now, the world waits. The world waits for the official couple picture. Standing in front of a Christmas tree, the full on shot of them sitting across from you at dinner, them scoring a goal on a soccer field with the caption “that’s my baby!”
Well, I have answered my own question. Love was definitely a lot more simple before social media. But was it as fun? My chaotic Gemini self would argue - absolutely not.
I love, love, love you ♥️
Emily