the surrender
it's "The Nothing" week + a list of current beauty faves
It’s a day off, my phone is on DND, and there’s a freezing rain warning. It’s grey, it’s cloudy, and I’m putting off an administration phone call I have to make. I’ve taken two of my saffron supplements (they work wonders for the racing mind), and I’ve brewed a chamomile and lavender tea. I know it’s only 1:40, which is prime second coffee time, but I’m doing something different.
The past few months have felt as though the universe has been squeezing me. Not in a pressure cooker way, but in a way that’s like - things are refigurating, and I am doing my best to move alongside with them. The best course of action has been surrendering. In an “I’ll take care of what I can, but let you do the rest” type of way.
I have this conversation with the universe all the time.
It’s interesting to think about this time of year. It’s The Nothing Week. And I wonder if that’s why my mind and its anxiety, for the first time in a long time, has been on overdrive.
Everyone is forced to surrender. Everyone is forced into the quiet. Into The Nothing. And The Nothing is a hard place to be for people who always want to make sense of The Something.
I’ve been taking melatonin again, which has spiraled me into nonsense dreaming. They’ve included: me declining a photo-op with a political figure in fears of it would be bad for my brand, cave-exploring in midtown Toronto with a friend, and most recently, my entire immediate family gifting You Know Who an assortment of cheese and meats and breads, and me getting mad, telling everyone “HE DOES NOT DESERVE OUR FOOD AFTER THE ATTITUDE HE GIVES ME.”
Lol. I need to skip the melatonin tonight.
So yes, I do find it incredibly hard to relax into nothingness this time of year.
I tend to thrive when my external world moves, not when my external world stops. When I can look at things and say, “It’s an adventure!” Not when I look at things and say, “Oh. It’s a pause.”
Anyways, since I’m curled up on my sofa with NOTHING TO DO (and Ariana playing), I’ll tell you about some of my current favourite beauty products instead.
Holi (Glow) Ageless Eye + Lip Serum - Agent Nateur: I am an eye cream/eye serum skeptic - but I am obsessed with this serum. It smells like cucumber, and gives the prettiest glow and highlight when paired underneath a concealer. I’m also 32, and figured it was time to incorporate an eye treatment into my skincare routine.
Kosas DreamBeam SPF: A fun fact about me is that I had severe cystic acne from 25-27, and my esthetician told me how bad wearing foundation everyday is for your skin. She told me it’s pore clogging and speeds up the aging process. Since then - I transitioned from wearing foundation daily to only wearing a tinted primer or moisturizer when absolutely needed. I love this Kosas one. I love how it’s SPF 40, I love how it has peptides and ceremides and hyralounic acid. I also love the way my real skin peeps through the lightweight coverage, and it gives a little bit of a post-vacation glow.
19/99 Lip Ointment: My purse is full of 27 different lip glosses, and one has never been repurchased up until the moment this glorious lip ointment touched my lips. It is easily the most hydrating lip ointment I’ve ever used, has such a gorgeous consistency that it can be easily worn out as a gloss, or before bed as a lip treatment. I’m on my second tube, and can NOT recommend this ointment more, especially for the girlies who live in colder climates!
Life update: The office of the admin phone call I was supposed to make is closed (telling myself it’s a sign), so I went for a walk to pick up more pizza dough and a can of San Marzano tomatoes.
At least I can say: Today, I wrote. Today, I made a pizza.
And I guess that’s really all that matters, isn’t it?
<3
Emily