when we're ready

short + sweet on a sunday morning

Good morning my beautiful friends,

I feel like it’s been a while. And I say this because I feel like I’ve been in a writing rut lately. And I realized my writing rut was essentially me being tired of talking about myself, but more on that later.

We’re sitting in a cafe beside the Arno. It’s 10:56 AM on Saturday morning, and we are, shockingly, not hungover. We’re having the Italian breakfast of a cappuccino and a cigarette, and I am so happy that I get to share this sunny Saturday moment in Florence with you. 

I have to be honest, I’ve truly had one of my favourite weeks I’ve had in a long time. 

I named this letter “when we’re ready”. The title came to me a few days ago when I was stuck in my rut and the web of my Gemini mind, and I hated everything I started to think and write about.

It has been a long time since I just stopped. Stopped, actually lived, and became present in my own life - instead of constantly feeling like I’m searching for the next newsletter topic. 

Listen, we all know I love partaking in a chaotic romance / love triangle / any story that will lead to content baby - but that constant partaking in adventurous love stories is, nonetheless, exhausting. 

Do you have those moments, too? And you never realize it until you’re out of them, but it’s like you’re in constant fight or flight mode and are completely unaware of it. Constant survival mode. And it isn’t until you stop on an empty street corner, or sit in an empty cafe, take a breath, and say to yourself: “What was I running for?”

This newsletter has essentially become my diary, a very public diary - and despite my complicated relationship with writing this week - I keep reminding myself that this newsletter is actually one of the most meaningful pieces of work I’ve ever created, or ever will create. 

And this is why. When we journal, or when we write in our weekly diaries or work on our morning pages - it’s our hearts spilled out on paper. Every emotion and hidden memory comes out like this waterfall of words, and once it’s out - it’s out.

It’s out for my beautiful subscribers and whoever else is not subscribed, but reading it, to see and formulate a thought or feeling about. 

Ooo, I just looked at the clock and it’s 11:11. I love when that happens. ♥️

Anyways, after writing about yourself, to yourself for so long, I just started to feel completely naked. Like, ok - what else is there? What other stories do I need to meditate on and tell and solve and relate to other memories? Do I have anything left to give?

So, all week, I just wanted to be wrapped up in my cozy, white cardigan and hide in the back corners of cafes on the Arno, sipping my fluffy cappuccino. Big sunglasses on, chin buried in a camel coat, being completely oblivious to the world inside of me.

The vulnerability hangover.

I’ve been getting back into my routine of gratitude lists and meditations in the morning. And I have been so grateful to bounce thoughts off of my incredible writing friends. 

“Sometimes you just need that one person to remind you of your why.” One of my friends tells me as she gives me a hug in Piazza Sant’ Ambrogio, on a street corner that is said to be blessed by Pope Pius VII. 

Why do you feel the need to write and create, what calls you to share your thoughts, and what do you think would happen to yourself if you didn’t? 

There’s always been two reasons for me. The connection, being one of them. The connections you make with others (Internet friends >) over shared stories, feelings, and experiences. Selfishly, it combats loneliness, but non-selfishly, it’s how we create community. How we can grow something beautiful, out of our own stories that can leave us feeling isolated and alien-like. 

I’ll give you an example. My beautiful, beautiful writing group that started last fall (making a mental note that I need to start another one soon - DM me if you want to join!). Some of us still meet monthly, and one of us is in charge of leading the group in some sort of creative activity. 

Last time, we drew oracle cards and shared our own personal mood boards and it was the most fun I’ve ever had on a Sunday evening. Community. 

The other why, would be to find meaning. To find meaning in our experiences, to find meaning in our vulnerability, and to find meaning in those situations that aren’t meant to be rationalized. The moments that are meant to be only felt, remembered, and preserved through art. 

Can I be honest with you? I really just love life so much that I just want to take every scene and situation that we’re placed in and cover it in roses. To make it beautiful, to make it mean something.  

And when he told me that we were all misunderstood,

I’d cover myself in a rose garden if I could. 

—

So, my beautiful friends, I want to leave you with these words this week:

When we’re ready. 

When we’re ready. I tell myself that it’s okay to be wrapped up in blankets with a rosebud tea on a Saturday evening. 

When we’re ready. It’s okay that we haven’t yet finished the article we thought we should be finished writing by now.

When we’re ready. The right words will come.

When we’re ready. “Everything in time ♥️” my best friend reminds me this morning.

When we’re ready. We’ll be ready to share. To listen. To take that next step and create again.

And until then, we’ll sit in the back corners of a cafe, wrapped up in our cozy cardigans and sipping on the fluffiest of cappuccinos. Thankful for the community we’ve made, the moments we’ve experienced, lived through, and felt, and the new memories to mark with a new bottle of rose perfume.

I love you.

Emily

—

ps. sharing my sunday gratitude list with you all:

fluffy cappuccinos (obviously)

sunshine + wise friends

camel coats + gucci lipstick

new rose perfume for a new era

arrabbiata for lunch

cozy white cardigans

dreams of you (i had a dream me and my mom were dancing to have yourself a merry little christmas)

the universe

&, of course, you. my writing community. i’ll love you forever. ♥️

—

pps. feel free share your sunday gratitude list in the comments below! ♥️♥️