when you thought you made the brave choice, but now you're not so sure

a little 'dear emily' on this saturday morning

Hi friends,

I’m doing something different. I’m writing this newsletter directly in Substack, versus a hybrid Google Doc/Notes App/Texts to my Best Friend compilation. This, in a way, is to help me give this advice as naturally as possible. I want it to feel like you’re all with me. Propped up with a million and one pillows (please invest in the Zara Home silk pillowcase if you haven’t already), my stuffed cat and lip balm beside me. We’re having mint tea, and I’m curled up in my fuzzy pink robe. Painfully bloated, to be completely honest, from this month’s back and forth of antibiotics.

I’m going to complain for a bit, bear with me. But I forgot how fucking annoying the side effects of antibiotics can be. I’m thankful for modern medicine, but like, then my stomach gets fucked up. And then I’m bloated and then I’m foggy and then I’m groggy, and then I just want to yell at everyone for breathing.

Ok. I needed to take a breath. We’re on the mend, though. I can feel it.

I’ve had writer’s block for the past few weeks, mainly because I haven’t been to the Roman equivalent of SUR in a while. So, I asked my extremely beautiful and intelligent community for help with newsletter topics. And one topic that immediately stuck with me was this:

When you thought you made the brave choice, but now you're not so sure.

Have you ever read The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig? I don’t know if I would consider it one of my favourite books, but it’s definitely a book whose lesson stuck with me.

Essentially, it tells a story of all of the lives we “could have” led, and what would have happened in those parallel universes. If we made that choice instead of this, decided on him, instead of the other. Moved here, instead of there.

And I don’t want to spoil the book for you, but, long story short - the main character realizes that the life she is currently living, even with its own set of trials and tribulations, is the best one of all.

I think it’s so easy to live in the what-ifs, especially when we feel like our life currently isn’t feeling how we dreamt it out to be.

In the Summer of 2022 (I call it my Great Depression), I thought moving to Rome, and moving to Italy was the brave choice, the right choice. But I had no friends. I was getting harassed every day at the grocery store (literally, there was a guy who worked there who would follow me around until I said ciao to him. I switched stores v. quick after that) It was 45 degrees every single day, my landlord wouldn’t let me use the AC (WHY HAVE IT INSTALLED THEN), I was broke, which meant I also had no money to escape the city on the weekends. And I was coming to terms with the realization that me and PN’s whirlwind of a romance was never, ever, going to be as beautiful as I played it out to be in my head.

But if moving across the world was the brave choice, why didn’t it feel right?

So, instead of riding it out, and enduring more misery. I chose to leave. And swore to never come back (lol lol lol).

And then, I spent 2 months wondering if I made the wrong choice for leaving.

So I chose to come back. And we all know how that story went.

The brave choice ends up being the one that we need to make at that time.

And sometimes, are those choices the most glamorous? No. The most exciting? Also, no.

But do our choices lead us to where we ultimately need to be?

Yes, I really believe that they do.

Bravery is making the choice in itself. Choices lead to movement, and choices will ultimately lead to change.

Don’t you feel like life can be like a “Choose Your Own Adventure?” One chapter leads us on one route, and then we’re faced with another choice that will lead us on another. And it’s all really kind of beautiful, when you think about it. The abundance of choice we that we have. We can choose to start over. We can choose to take a break. We can choose to come back. We can choose to try harder. We can choose to begin again.

And then we can be thankful, because all of those choices, all of those new chapters and new paths that are out there waiting for us to take, it means that we are truly living.

We are alive.

Life is ours to choose.

And I choose to love you, and to keep on writing.

Happy Saturday, my angels.

TTYL,

Emily

PS. I have ONE SPOT left for my upcoming Writing Group: Writers + Lovers. My vibe for this group is Ariana’s ~*Eternal Sunshine*~. We’re focussing on our love stories, how they heal us, how they empower us, etc. etc.

Send me a message if you want more info, or if you want to join us!

PPS. Sorry for the short letter. I’m hoping the post antibiotic fog will clear up soon and I’ll be back to making out with half the population of Rome. Lol. I love you. Bye!